31/05/2017 by Kevin Campbell 0 Comments
Mature Masculinity, an Introduction
I am beginning this blog with a topic that I am very passionate about and feel is so important and yet so misunderstood. The Mature Masculine Man. Doing research on this topic I have found few books and even fewer men who understand what this is and the gravity of its importance.
So what is it?
Mature Masculinity is the healthy expression of manhood.
What does that look like? Lets first look at what we are used to. From childhood we tend to see two main unhealthy portrayals of masculinity. One of these centres on what I like to call the “Macho Guy”. This form of masculinity is often shown in movies, TV and comics and is the traditionally strong masculine ideal that people associate with men. It comes across as controlling, aggressive, physical, violent and reactive. This man is usually portrayed as the hero in pop culture who wins over his opponents by crushing them and making them pay. There is often a form of self-righteous goodness in the action, that justifies the violence and the subjugation. This side of masculinity is attractive since the man gets things done, makes a stand and is physically strong, but underneath all the bravado is a fear of vulnerability, disconnection with his emotions and shielding his pain with aggression and violence.
The other portrayal we often encounter is the “Nice Guy”. This is the guy who avoids conflict like the plague and tries his best to not be anything like the “Macho Guy” (even though he may secretly envy him). This man sees violence as bad, anger as bad, and aggression as bad. They carry with them a toxic shame of masculinity. He lives half a life, as he is so fixated on pleasing others to get ahead and his needs met, that he does not truly know where he stands in life. He lets others walk all over his values and penetrate his boundaries. This causes the “Nice Guy” to react with passive aggression, which can be just as violent as active aggression. The “Nice Guy” turns out to not be so nice.
The Mature Masculine is not a mixture of these, but rather draws from each. He does not use aggression to get what he wants and needs. He understand where he stands and does not let others walk over him. He also does not need to crush them. The Mature Masculine is a healthy approach that embodies masculine virtues in a responsible way that helps everyone especially the man.
This is an introduction to this topic. In the coming weeks we will explore this idea further looking at the developments of masculinity, both healthy and unhealthy, and how it impacts on a man’s life. In the meantime please feel free to comment and ask questions.